


He Really Did Lose to That Shark

by kibasniper



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Canon - Comics, Established Relationship, F/M, Hanging Out, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Some Humor, a few references to drowning, two kids cozy up and discuss the truth behind true psychic tales comic books
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27321376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kibasniper/pseuds/kibasniper
Summary: Raz' favorite issue of True Psychic Tales gets turned inside-out when Lili tells him about the actual mission log.
Relationships: Razputin Aquato/Lili Zanotto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	He Really Did Lose to That Shark

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my drafts for about a month now, so i wanted to finish it tonight! not very halloween related, but i already wrote a halloween fic this week. this was going to go in psi snippets as a ficlet, but it got longer, and i figured i'd post it by itself! plus, i haven't written any razlili in so long!

“Uh, no. Actually, Agent Nein _lost_ to that shark,” Lili said, briefly looking up from her comic book.

Issue 230 of True Psychic Tales fell with a flutter. It landed on the carpeted floor, creasing the already bent spine. Raz left the comic alone, his attention squarely on Lili while she delicately pinched the corner of Issue 46 to turn the page.

“Wait, sorry, what?” Raz asked, eyes narrowing. “How do you know that?”

She focused on the coloring of Agent Mari Hudson in the first panel. Discovering age had faded Agent Hudson's deep fuschia skin to a dull purple, she glanced at Raz out of the corner of her eye. “The writers embellish some of the mission details to fit the story parameters. Here, look at this,” she said.

Lili cupped the comic and pointed at the two-page spread of Agent Hudson posing with her hands on her hips. She demanded the hostages' freedom to the sneering Professor Sycamore in his secret, underground lair.

“It looks like some kind of old Wonder Woman comic, right?” Lili remarked, closing the comic and setting it on her bed. “During the actual mission, she just threw in a confusion grenade when the professor wasn't looking. Before the gas ran out, she freed the hostages and walloped him.”

“But how do you know that?” Raz reiterated, but a flash of understanding crossed his features, and he relaxed his shoulders. “Oooh, wait. As the Grand Head's daughter, you probably have access to their files.”

“When my dad lets me sneak a peak, then, yeah, I do,” Lili said, taking the plastic covering off her pillow and slipping in her comic. She smoothed the creases to the side and placed the issue back into the cardboard box where she stored the rest, every issue protected within the same sealable bag.

Raz tapped his chin while Lili telekinetically picked up his comic and tutted to herself over the wear and tear. He tucked in his legs and pivoted on her bed, fully facing her as she skimmed through his issue. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees, asking, “So, what really happened between Sasha and the shark?”

Tiny dimples creased the corners of her mouth when she smirked. She thumbed through the pages until she found a certain panel. He rocked back and forth, her blankets becoming further pushed off the edge of the bed, but neither noticed. He propelled himself close enough for their shoulders to touch, allowing him a closer look at Lili's dimples, which slowly faded from her face when her lips shifted in to a neutral line.

“Check this out closely,” Lili ordered, pointing at the panel. There was Sasha Nein, blindfolded, but still PSI blasting a ravenous, rampaging shark twice his size in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. He hovered above the water. His right leg was pulled towards the sea by a rusty anchor strapped around his ankle. A deep emerald aura was drawn around him, signifying the typical use of an agent's powers in True Psychic Tales. “It looks like he's handling himself pretty well, right? A little PSI blast here and there, and he's in the clear.”

“And the next panel is the shark getting PSI blasted to hell and back,” Raz said, pointing. The shark was flipped on its back between waves. Charcoal black singe marks crisscrossed along its gray exterior. Sasha was busy in the background fiddling with the anchor around his ankle, quipping the shark needed to stick to its regular food groups.

Lili closed the issue and set it on the pile behind them. Mischief glinted in her amber eyes. She glanced at the door, as if expecting Sasha to interfere before she could impart the truth. “Okay, so, from what Dad told let me read,” she said, shooting the door another look, “Sasha did have that anchor tied around him, but it dragged him down way faster than he could shoot.”

Raz sucked in a breath. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes.” Lili rubbed her hands together. “So, then, the shark swooped in out of nowhere! It almost chomped his head off. He was dragged farther down, and I read that the shark kept chasing him.” She wiggled her fingers and chuckled. “It was getting darker and darker, and Sasha couldn't hold his breath anymore, and the shark even nibbled on his arm!”

Right on the edge of his seat, Raz clenched his fists. His mentor had faced such an excruciating ordeal, which had been glorified for wide-eyed readers like himself to consume. Goosebumps dotted his arms. His skin crawled, knowing the sensation of the depths becoming heavier on him. He understood how Sasha's bones must have felt like snapping when he had been suctioned down too far with no natural light in sight. Slipping his hand through his sleeve, he rubbed his arm, the sudden warmth grounding him, and he asked how Sasha saved himself.

She shot a glance at his arm and shook her head. “You've got that wrong. Milla rescued him.”

“Agent Vodello?” he blurted, throwing his hands out. “But she wasn't mentioned anywhere in the comic!” He quickly grabbed the issue and flipped through it, wondering if he had somehow misremembered the story despite reading it well over two hundred times.

“The mission log said it was only her third time as a field agent. The writers behind True Psychic Tales like to reveal a new agent when they've established themself. From what she told me, Milla had to wait until her twentieth mission to even be considered for a story,” Lili explained, shifting through the comics. She tossed a couple on her pillow, a few slipping between her bed and wooden drawer. She scooped them up with telekinetic care, placing them on the growing pile behind her.

Raz pivoted his attention between Lili and the shark. While she continued searching, he admitted to himself that the issue seemed bromidic. With the shark lying listlessly on top of the waves, it should have submerged, and from experience, he knew PSI blasts left more than shaded lines. The impact would have been fiery, redness surrounding the wound and with an after-burn so hot it would have made a non-psychic think their insides melted.

Sasha drowning made him swallow while Lili sighed, digging through her collection with an annoyed huff. It unnerved him that his hero would have endured vaguely similar circumstances. The anchor was like a physical Hand, thick and unfeeling while it tried propelling him to a watery grave, but it was only because of Milla that Sasha lived to spy another day.

There were times when Raz was not as fortunate to have someone protecting him. He preferred to keep those thoughts ensnared in the nightmare room Milla helped him create.

“Finally!” Lili exclaimed, snapping Raz out of his stupor. She clutched a comic with both hands and hugged it to her chest. “It was all the way at the bottom. Man, I should really reorganize my stash.”

Raz reached for the comic, but noticing it was sealed within two plastic protective cases, he gasped. “Oh, man! You have this cover? It's so rare!” he gushed, and if his eyes would sparkle, they would glow brighter than stars.

The vintage issue of Milla Vodello's debut was decorated in a gold and rainbow gloss. It was as gaudy as the dresses the agent adored. She wore her standard uniform, her expression sultry and confident. The violet and vermilion patterned shawl draped over her shoulders enhanced Milla's customary flare. Surrounding her were Censors wearing wedding dresses with their stamps in one hand and bouquets in the other. A looming, bearded man in a white tuxedo hidden in shadows was the villain of the week. He sneered down at her through the logo, which had been adorned with roses dipped in liquid psilirium.

“Issue 142: The Wedding Blues Saltation,” Lili announced, pride in her voice. “Otherwise known as Milla's first True Psychic Tales adventure.” The corners of her lips twitched upwards. “Oh, yeah, this issue sold like hot cakes. Milla gave me a copy of the alternate cover as a gift. She might give you one, too, if you ask.”

“But only fifty of those covers exist! She might not have a spare. When it came out, I looked everywhere for it in so many different towns,” Raz cried, Lili setting the issue in his hands. He sighed, marveling over the intricate, triangular patterns on Milla's shawl. “Man, was my mom was annoyed at me. I kept begging her to let me check every single grocery store on every other street in Austria for it.”

She grinned. “Which is why it's double bagged for its own protection.” She raised her finger when he reached for the seal. “Ah-ah! Nope. I'm not letting anything happen to it, so don't try opening it or I'll toss Harold at you and let him go hogwild.”

The rodent resting in his cage on Lili's nightstand raised his head. He chattered to himself and raced down the metal slats, skidding to a stop at the bottom. He poked his head through the bars, whiskers and tail wiggling for attention.

Lili fondly turned to her pet. “Oh, you. I just have to mention your name for you to perk up,” she cooed, stroking his head with her index finger.

As Lili fawned over Harold, Raz pondered to himself. Every issue of True Psychic Tales had liberties taken with the missions. Sasha almost drowned instead of shooting the shark with ease. He remembered in Milla's issue she had no real trouble fending off the bad guy seeking to kill his former bride. Propaganda-like discrepancies popped up throughout their stories, and he wondered if his own adventures would be published with fictional twists and turns that steered away from the actuality of the facts.

Then again, he already knew the inner mechanisms of the Psychonauts. It almost felt expected for some lies to become the Psychonauts' truth.

“Hey,” Lili chirped, breaking into his thoughts. She held Harold to her chest and leaped off her bed. “It's almost time for dinner. I hope you like my dad's cooking.”

“Well, I'm sure he's a better cook than my dad. My mom refuses to let him near a stove after the dreaded meatball surplus,” Raz said, placing Milla's issue in the cardboard box box and following her to the door.

“'Meatball surplus?'” She arched an eyebrow, hand on the doorknob. “Okay, you can't just say things that ridiculous without explaining them, Raz.”

“Well, it all started with too much black pepper,” Raz began as she pushed open the door. Glancing over his shoulder at their comics, he shut the door for her and walked hand-in-hand with Lili to the dining room.


End file.
